Part 1 this article I want to share with you one of the most
powerful yet illusive concepts related to powerful communication.
This powerful secret can help you in business meetings and with one
on one situations with people at work.
This can also help you after hours and in social settings. Before I
get to this secret I first want to acknowledge the importance of
spoken and written words. Obviously the words you choose are
important and can have tremendous impact on your interaction. This
is also true of anything that you write. Email is especially
vulnerable to miscommunication.
It is a great concept to take things seriously, while being able to
find the humor in things and not take things too personally.
However, although I do my best to live by this concept it takes a
lot of practice and since we are humans with emotions you still feel
that momentary sting
This often painful sting may feel worse and last longer for those
who do not yet know to transform it into something more useful.
Much of our communication is steering against the wind currents and
much like a jet plane flying in the sky the job of the pilot and
crew is to notice that they are off course and readjust their
settings and steer the plane back towards its destination. Much like
steering a plan that has veered off course.
This means to learn to really pay close attention to the responses
you get from others and how it feels to you.
Sometimes mentally rehearsing and even saying things out loud in
private is good practice because you may notice that certain words
just feel better than others. This is easier to do when you can hear
them. Many people start their speeches or learn to speak better by
just doing this and I will write share more about this later on and
in future articles.
So considering that a plane can be off course as much as 90% of the
time during its journey we can see this as a way to learn how to
maximize our communication skills and interactions. Ideally, the
plane gets to its destination safe and sound and on schedule and so
does our message.
How can we maximize our communication with minimum off course words?
Since I have written quite a bit on verbal communication and the
words we use I will focus on a much more misunderstood concept that
may be even more important to effective communication skills than
You may have already guessed it. Speaking is one way to communicate
verbally and I do write about nonverbal communication and you can
look for more on this coming soon.
For today we will take a close look at the counterpoint to speaking
which is LISTENING! Not just hearing the words or tuning in to every
few words while thinking of what to say next. This is often the trap
people fall into. They want to get the next word in or get the last
Sometimes people have the best intent and really want to help and
give advice and other people simply feel the need for the attention
and for the spotlight to be on them.
Regardless, often a person needs to be listened to and feel they are
being understood or at least heard.
How often has someone pleaded "Just hear me out!"
I already shared that tip above about saying things out loud before
giving a speech or asking for a raise or whatever communication
challenge may be facing you soon because it is very valuable.
If you find yourself cringing at a certain word or stuttering or
skipping it or if your volume changes or the sound of your voice
sounds less powerful and convincing than it is a good indication
that you need to change something.
For example when people come to me and want to practice asking for a
raise this is one of the things I do with them.
They learn to practice out loud and then perform a lot of mental
rehearsal in a light trance to maximize the effectiveness and to
help them to really believe in what they are saying.
It makes little sense to try to do away with the wind currents
because then your jet plan will not fly at all.
So you notice and calibrate the responses and steer and adjust your
Just as it is not wise to force something on others it does not work
well to attempt to strong arm your subconscious mind.
It is extremely powerful and can often get you into awkward
situations unless you are in tune with this part of your mind. It
wants to be helpful and is extremely powerful and so we first learn
to improve communication with ourselves.
So rather than rehearse something that we do not believe and add to
our stress we learn to find what we really believe and then to
harness this belief to our communication.
For example, if you are asking for a certain number for a raise and
your voice cracks or you flinch or feel your stomach or solar plexus
tighten up then these are signs that you do not yet believe you are
worth this much of a increase in salary.
So we change the figure and you start to feel more comfortable until
we get the best desired outcome. We reach a figure that you feel you
are worth and you practice what you are going to say out loud.
You hear your voice and tonal quality while being aware of your own
physical state and any changes.
Then it is much easier to notice these types of responses in others,
whether they are speaking or listening to you or to a third party.
So I will allow your mind to wrap itself around these powerful
concepts and you can look forward to more practical tips that you
can use right away.
by Michael Twomey
Michael Twomey is a Success Coach and
Professional Hypnotist in NYC. He has helped many people to change
their habits, beliefs and improve their lives. He lives with his
beautiful, loving and talented wife, Maggie in Brooklyn.